The boys and I met with the Parent Coordinator tonight. It was my 3rd meeting with her, the boys' 2nd. Maybe I should go back to the start first . . .
In our divorce agreement, there is a section on resolving disputes regarding the children. That is, if there is an issue about the kids that we can't agree on, we are to make our arguments to a Parent Coordinator who will try and mediate the issue. It is the PC's job to get us to a solution. If, after the PC makes a recommendation and one side or the other feels strongly enough in disagreement, the issue could then go before a judge, who would then have the final say in the matter.
What sort of issues may come up? Who knows. Things seem to be going okay right now, we're kind of in a routine which is working well with the boys. One issue that came up during the divorce process was whether the kids would be vegetarians or not. My X (who is vegetarian) feels very strongly that the boys don't eat meat - and she mis-recalls a conversation we had about this subject when Leo was a baby. She thinks I agreed to him being raised vegetarian. I, on the other hand, specifically remember saying that although I would not bring meat into the house (in respect to my X's beliefs), it would be up to Leo to decide whether he wanted to eat meat. As an example, I said that if we were at a Red Sox game and Leo wanted a hot dog, I was not going to tell him that he couldn't eat one - it would be his choice. We resolved the issue, through our attorneys, unfortunately ($$$$), by agreeing that when we each had our own houses we could choose what foods to serve them, meat or no meat. Since Leo had no meat in any of his baby food, he never really took to eating it when served as he grew older. He does occassionaly eat chicken nuggets, but I've never seen him eat a hot dog. He loves macaroni & cheese and cheese pizza, but no meat with either. Daniel, on the other hand, loves meat, and will eat anything put before him. He even eats the green vegetables that Leo won't touch.
I could imagine that if we had not resolved this issue when we did, that post-divorce this might be something that my X would take to the Parent Coordinator. As for what issues in the future we might completely disagree on so strongly that it would go to the PC, that's something I have no idea about now. But at least the process is in place if needed.
My X and I first met with the PC together a little over a month ago, to ask her questions about her approach to resolving conflicts and to discuss with her our situation. The meeting lasted about 50 minutes, of which most of the time was spent by my X complaining about how she thought I acted during the divorce. The meeting was not productive at all, other than the PC seeing my X at 'her best'. This was followed by each of us meeting with her for 50 minutes by ourselves, then another meeting with each of us with the kids - of which mine with the boys was the last one, which was tonight. This was an opportunity for the PC to see how we interact with the boys, and for her to get to know them a little bit. She was impressed by their good manners (I'm sure in her line of work she sees some real cases), and she seemed to enjoy the visit.
The Parent Coordinator has one more roll to fill before she is 'on call', and that is to review our parenting schedule and offer any comments she may have. I think the schedule is working well for us, and she seemed to agree, but we are still waiting for her review in writing. We'll see where it goes from here, but I think its good to know that there is now someone in place to resolve any disputes that may come up in the future.
Showing posts with label parent coordinator. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parent coordinator. Show all posts
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
Tough day
Leo had a tough day today. When I got to school to pick him up there was a big note on his cubby asking me to talk to one of his teachers. The class was out back enjoying outdoor time in the nice weather, and when I saw Leo he came over and told me he had had a bad day.
Then his teacher came over and as Leo pedaled away on a bike, she told me about his day. He had arrived late as his mother had told them Leo had a doctor's appointment this morning. (It was actually a visit she had with the boys to our Parent Coordinator, but that's another story.) It was morning outdoor time, still a little chilly, and Leo had been dropped off at school without any gloves in his cubby. He wanted to wear a pair of the school's gloves as he told them he thought his hands were going to get cold outside.
After playtime the teachers thought Leo was acting unsure of things and kind of nervous. He did not want to sit still during circle time, and got upset when his teacher asked him to settle himself. He was finally able to get through circle, but when it ended he got mad as he wanted his teacher to answer a question - this is now one of Leo's favorite expressions when he wants something, he first tells you he wants to ask you a question. But since his teacher was busy with another student, Leo needed to wait a moment. Leo then began screaming his teacher's name - she told him she would be happy to listen to him as soon as he was able to calm himself down and ask her in a soft voice. Leo instead screamed even louder and lunged at the teacher with both of his hands.
She took him to the cozy corner (a quiet spot with soft pillows) and he sat there for about 20 minutes while they served lunch. Leo eventually asked to join everyone at the lunch table, but by then most of the children were finishing up and so Leo got upset again that he didn't get to eat with everyone else, and then he started screaming for other food. One of the afternoon teachers came in and took Leo back to the cozy corner and sat with him for 20 minutes until it was teacher's choice - Leo joined the group and enjoyed the pre-nap story. At naptime Leo started resting quietly, but then got very upset again when he wanted his teacher's company but she was busy settling another child. He was asked to please wait a few minutes, but instead he started screaming. The afternoon teacher then took him to the jumping room for the remainder of naptime.
Then, later in the afternoon, before outdoor time, Leo tried to bite his teacher when she told him that he needed to wait ten more minutes before it was time to go outside. So he was back in the cozy corner until playtime.
When I arrived, he seemed to be okay and was glad to see me. His teacher told me that she thought he might be acting out as she knows Wednesdays are transition days between his mother and father and that he really wanted to see his daddy. That may be part of it, but I think by arriving late his entire daily schedule got messed up and he was never able to fully recover from his first outburst. I also don't know what happened at the Parent Coordinator visit this morning - all Leo would tell me was that he played with some toys there. I have my first meeting with the Parent Coordinator next week, so I'll ask her about Leo's visit.
Then his teacher came over and as Leo pedaled away on a bike, she told me about his day. He had arrived late as his mother had told them Leo had a doctor's appointment this morning. (It was actually a visit she had with the boys to our Parent Coordinator, but that's another story.) It was morning outdoor time, still a little chilly, and Leo had been dropped off at school without any gloves in his cubby. He wanted to wear a pair of the school's gloves as he told them he thought his hands were going to get cold outside.
After playtime the teachers thought Leo was acting unsure of things and kind of nervous. He did not want to sit still during circle time, and got upset when his teacher asked him to settle himself. He was finally able to get through circle, but when it ended he got mad as he wanted his teacher to answer a question - this is now one of Leo's favorite expressions when he wants something, he first tells you he wants to ask you a question. But since his teacher was busy with another student, Leo needed to wait a moment. Leo then began screaming his teacher's name - she told him she would be happy to listen to him as soon as he was able to calm himself down and ask her in a soft voice. Leo instead screamed even louder and lunged at the teacher with both of his hands.
She took him to the cozy corner (a quiet spot with soft pillows) and he sat there for about 20 minutes while they served lunch. Leo eventually asked to join everyone at the lunch table, but by then most of the children were finishing up and so Leo got upset again that he didn't get to eat with everyone else, and then he started screaming for other food. One of the afternoon teachers came in and took Leo back to the cozy corner and sat with him for 20 minutes until it was teacher's choice - Leo joined the group and enjoyed the pre-nap story. At naptime Leo started resting quietly, but then got very upset again when he wanted his teacher's company but she was busy settling another child. He was asked to please wait a few minutes, but instead he started screaming. The afternoon teacher then took him to the jumping room for the remainder of naptime.
Then, later in the afternoon, before outdoor time, Leo tried to bite his teacher when she told him that he needed to wait ten more minutes before it was time to go outside. So he was back in the cozy corner until playtime.
When I arrived, he seemed to be okay and was glad to see me. His teacher told me that she thought he might be acting out as she knows Wednesdays are transition days between his mother and father and that he really wanted to see his daddy. That may be part of it, but I think by arriving late his entire daily schedule got messed up and he was never able to fully recover from his first outburst. I also don't know what happened at the Parent Coordinator visit this morning - all Leo would tell me was that he played with some toys there. I have my first meeting with the Parent Coordinator next week, so I'll ask her about Leo's visit.
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