Vegetarian

Leo, again. I go to pick him up from school on Thursday, and Laura, one of his teachers, asks me if Leo is a vegetarian. I tell her no. She tells me that Leo asked her if what they had served him at lunch was meat. She said yes. Leo then told her that he is a vegetarian and the meat used to be alive.

Now, during our divorce, whether we raised the kids to be vegetarians was a huge issue. I knew Karen was vegetarian when I married her. She told me she hadn't always been vegetarian. She grew up eating meat - hot dogs, hamburgers, steak, chicken. I believe she told me that it was sometime in college she stopped eating meat. She's not a vegan or anything that extreme - it was more about eating something that had a consciousness.

At home, I respected her beliefs and never brought meat into the house. We ate a lot of bean dishes, experimenting with Indian and Eastern cuisine. I got my fill of meat during lunches at work, or whenever we went out to a restaurant to eat. In fact, she encouraged me to have meat when we ate out, knowing I was sacrificing what I liked at home for her beliefs. And when her mom visited, she always went shopping for meat and would cook lamb or other meat dishes for dinner for her and I while Karen ate something else.

After Leo was born, I remember a conversation we had about whether he would be raised as a vegetarian. I thought that as long as he got the protein he needed as a baby eating non-meat baby food, that would be okay. But as he got older, it would be his choice as to whether he ate meat or not. I specifically remember telling Karen that when I took Leo to Fenway Park to see a Red Sox game, we would have Fenway Franks together (or at least I would offer one to him). So Leo, and then Daniel, never ate meat as a baby.

However, once Leo was in daycare, they served meat at lunch. Karen first tried to get them to serve him other non-meat foods, but KinderCare was not really set up for vegetarian diets. So Leo started eating meat at school. I then began to offer him meat when I was out with the boys - Chicken McNuggets when we were at McDonalds (he ate them), and ham & cheese sandwiches at Panera (he ate that as well). Once Daniel started eating non-baby food, he ate meat as well, both at daycare and when he was out with me.

During the divorce, this became an issue after I started buying meat at the store - not anything like steaks, but since I spent every night and all weekend at home every week with the boys, I bought a lot of hot pockets and other prepared foods that included meat. One particular day I was having lunch with the boys at home - I believe I made them peanut butter and jelly while I had a ham and cheese hot pocket. Leo and Daniel wanted pieces of my sandwich, which I was giving them (and they were eating) when Karen came home from whatever she was doing and saw the boys eating ham. She got upset, demanding I not let the boys eat meat. We got into a big argument with no resolution. A couple of days later my attorney received a letter from her attorney threatening legal action regarding the 'vegetarian issue'. We responded with the facts, and the issue died for the time being.

It later came up again while meeting with the Guardian Ad Litem - he asked me questions about what happened - I told him my belief that it was a choice for the boys to make on their own, and he agreed with me.

After the divorce when we switched daycare providers, the boys continued to be offered meat at school. I also routinely give them meat at home, although Leo has developed an aversion to hot dogs. Then, a couple of months ago, I remember first hearing Leo say that he was a vegetarian. I thought it was just something he had heard Karen say and didn't think much of it. He has since repeated it again a few times, but I didn't think it was a big deal, as kids often repeat things they hear.

But now, its a serious issue. Leo skipped a meal at school. And, I believe he is being brainwashed by Karen into believing he does not eat meat. I sent Karen an e-mail on Friday demanding she stop her actions and explain to Leo that it is his choice. Meanwhile, I'm thinking I am going to take Leo to the grocery store and spend some time showing him all of the different foods there are, including the meat section, and that all of the foods offer different protein and vitamins for us to grow healthy and strong. Ultimately, it will be Leo's choice, but I don't think that either of us should make that choice for him. If we were both vegetarians and raised him that way, that would be different. But since we have opposite beliefs on the matter, neither of us should force our beliefs on him.

Holes in teeth

I got upset at Leo tonight at the dinner table. I made the boys' favorite (mac 'n cheese, if you have to ask), but Daniel insisted on wanting to eat in the Family Room. Well, one of the little chairs at the table broke during the New Year's Eve party (that's another story), so I only had one chair. Leo asked if I could move one of the soft chairs over, so I did. Then they fought over who would sit in the soft chair. So, I moved the other soft chair over, but neither of them wanted to sit in that one.

So, I said, "That's it! Nobody's going to eat here - we're eating in the kitchen instead!" So, I dragged them into the kitchen and up into their chairs, with both of them crying. I fixed my dinner while the two of them sat there complaining about not being able to eat in the Family Room. I asked them to quiet down a number of times, which they finally did, but they weren't eating.

I sat down with my dinner and Daniel finally took a bite of his. Leo refused. I told him that if he didn't start eating his dinner he was going to have to go to bed hungry. He said he didn't want to go to bed. I told him that he needed to eat. Daniel was now about halfway through his dinner. Leo just sat there crying.

Leo then asked for his blankie. I told him he could have it, but only after he took his first bite of dinner. He refused. Meanwhile, Daniel asked for the broccoli off of my plate, which I gave him and he promptly ate.

Daniel finished his dinner and asked for dessert from the pussycat. (I keep candy in a ceramic cat cookie jar that was a gift from my father.) I told Daniel he could, which led to Leo asking for dessert. I told Leo he could not have dessert until he ate his dinner. Leo then asked for his blankie. I asked Daniel to wait one minute while I tried to get Leo to start eating. I explained to Leo that he needed to eat in order to keep growing, and that he needed the nourishment in the food to get strong. With tears streaming down his face, he finally took a bite. I congratulated him and got his blankie for him, and he smiled.

Daniel got to pick out two pieces of candy - he chose a piece of chocolate money (leftover from the Holiday party) and a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup (leftover from Halloween). I told Leo he could have some if he ate half of his dinner. Leo refused and started crying again. I told him that I had had enough and that he was to go straight upstairs to bed. He said he wouldn't go straight to bed. I asked him what he wanted to do first. He said he would have to brush his teeth first, because if he didn't he would get holes in his teeth and that they would fall out and then he wouldn't be able to eat any more food and then he would die.

I couldn't help but smile at him. His eyes were all puffy with tears all over his face but his statement had such conviction in it. I gave him a big hug and told him he would be able to brush his teeth, but wouldn't it be great if he ate some food first? He hugged me back, ate almost half of the mac 'n cheese, then got two pieces of candy and all was well with the world again.