Vegetarian

Leo, again. I go to pick him up from school on Thursday, and Laura, one of his teachers, asks me if Leo is a vegetarian. I tell her no. She tells me that Leo asked her if what they had served him at lunch was meat. She said yes. Leo then told her that he is a vegetarian and the meat used to be alive.

Now, during our divorce, whether we raised the kids to be vegetarians was a huge issue. I knew Karen was vegetarian when I married her. She told me she hadn't always been vegetarian. She grew up eating meat - hot dogs, hamburgers, steak, chicken. I believe she told me that it was sometime in college she stopped eating meat. She's not a vegan or anything that extreme - it was more about eating something that had a consciousness.

At home, I respected her beliefs and never brought meat into the house. We ate a lot of bean dishes, experimenting with Indian and Eastern cuisine. I got my fill of meat during lunches at work, or whenever we went out to a restaurant to eat. In fact, she encouraged me to have meat when we ate out, knowing I was sacrificing what I liked at home for her beliefs. And when her mom visited, she always went shopping for meat and would cook lamb or other meat dishes for dinner for her and I while Karen ate something else.

After Leo was born, I remember a conversation we had about whether he would be raised as a vegetarian. I thought that as long as he got the protein he needed as a baby eating non-meat baby food, that would be okay. But as he got older, it would be his choice as to whether he ate meat or not. I specifically remember telling Karen that when I took Leo to Fenway Park to see a Red Sox game, we would have Fenway Franks together (or at least I would offer one to him). So Leo, and then Daniel, never ate meat as a baby.

However, once Leo was in daycare, they served meat at lunch. Karen first tried to get them to serve him other non-meat foods, but KinderCare was not really set up for vegetarian diets. So Leo started eating meat at school. I then began to offer him meat when I was out with the boys - Chicken McNuggets when we were at McDonalds (he ate them), and ham & cheese sandwiches at Panera (he ate that as well). Once Daniel started eating non-baby food, he ate meat as well, both at daycare and when he was out with me.

During the divorce, this became an issue after I started buying meat at the store - not anything like steaks, but since I spent every night and all weekend at home every week with the boys, I bought a lot of hot pockets and other prepared foods that included meat. One particular day I was having lunch with the boys at home - I believe I made them peanut butter and jelly while I had a ham and cheese hot pocket. Leo and Daniel wanted pieces of my sandwich, which I was giving them (and they were eating) when Karen came home from whatever she was doing and saw the boys eating ham. She got upset, demanding I not let the boys eat meat. We got into a big argument with no resolution. A couple of days later my attorney received a letter from her attorney threatening legal action regarding the 'vegetarian issue'. We responded with the facts, and the issue died for the time being.

It later came up again while meeting with the Guardian Ad Litem - he asked me questions about what happened - I told him my belief that it was a choice for the boys to make on their own, and he agreed with me.

After the divorce when we switched daycare providers, the boys continued to be offered meat at school. I also routinely give them meat at home, although Leo has developed an aversion to hot dogs. Then, a couple of months ago, I remember first hearing Leo say that he was a vegetarian. I thought it was just something he had heard Karen say and didn't think much of it. He has since repeated it again a few times, but I didn't think it was a big deal, as kids often repeat things they hear.

But now, its a serious issue. Leo skipped a meal at school. And, I believe he is being brainwashed by Karen into believing he does not eat meat. I sent Karen an e-mail on Friday demanding she stop her actions and explain to Leo that it is his choice. Meanwhile, I'm thinking I am going to take Leo to the grocery store and spend some time showing him all of the different foods there are, including the meat section, and that all of the foods offer different protein and vitamins for us to grow healthy and strong. Ultimately, it will be Leo's choice, but I don't think that either of us should make that choice for him. If we were both vegetarians and raised him that way, that would be different. But since we have opposite beliefs on the matter, neither of us should force our beliefs on him.