Its nice to be away - I definitely needed the break from the day-to-day stress I've been going through.
I've been able to spend time catching up with my mom and brother while all of my cousin's final wedding preparations are in full gear. Its a lot easier to talk about things in person than over the phone. And although my brother and I have had a few rocky spots in our past, whenever we get together he's great, and we're able to go forward with a better relationship. My mom never wants to interfere in my life but is always available to talk to - which is nice to know she's there for me. We're also now making plans for her next visit to Boston.
So, although I wish I would have been able to go to the Marshfield Fair and the soup kitchen this weekend (I hope you guys go), there will be more fun events for us all to share in the future. Besides, its been a treat to get caught up with my aunt and my cousins and be here for Katie's wedding. But its also nice to just be *away*.
Sunday, August 26, 2007
Friday, August 24, 2007
Reasonable
So, what is reasonable? I guess that depends on the circumstances . . .
I thought we had an agreed-to schedule but then the other day she said she had some 'changes' she wanted to talk to me about. She gave me a calendar printout for the month of September where she had filled in her name for every Monday thru Friday and mine for every Saturday and Sunday. However, that wasn't our agreement as our 50-50 arrangement was for half the week, each week, and alternating weekends. She said this would be a 'transition' for the kids into both a new daycare and a new home (hers). I told her this was not acceptable. I wanted to be part of the kids' experience in their new school as well and that unless she had some other good reasons to do anything different, we would stick with the shared parenting plan we had already agreed to.
Then, the other day, she gives me a revised September calendar. This one had the first two weeks with her having the kids M-F, then shifting to the agreed-to plan. I said, "No, I want to be there for them during their first week at school." She argued that she thought it was best for them to be close to her and to stay at her place during the first week. I disagreed and said she didn't understand my feelings about what I thought was best for them - and that was for them to share their new experience with both their mother and father. She said, "What are you going to do about it?" I replied that we would follow the already agreed-to plan. She said that no, we would follow her new plan. We went back and forth a few times and finally I said, "Look, if I need to get our attorneys involved to resolve this, then that's what I'll do." She replied, "Bring it on."
Later that afternoon my attorney sent her attorney a motion to the court for us to follow the agreed-to plan, which immediately got her attorney's attention - and he said there was no need for a court motion - he would talk to her and have her follow the plan. She, of course, was beside herself.
However, last night, she was much more reasonable. We had an hour long talk about what we thought would be best for the kids and we came up with a compromise. If she had just been reasonable from the start and told me why she wanted a different schedule instead of demanding it be changed, we would have more easily resolved the issue. I'm not sure whether it was her attorney's influence or what, but we were at last able to come to a resolution.
I thought we had an agreed-to schedule but then the other day she said she had some 'changes' she wanted to talk to me about. She gave me a calendar printout for the month of September where she had filled in her name for every Monday thru Friday and mine for every Saturday and Sunday. However, that wasn't our agreement as our 50-50 arrangement was for half the week, each week, and alternating weekends. She said this would be a 'transition' for the kids into both a new daycare and a new home (hers). I told her this was not acceptable. I wanted to be part of the kids' experience in their new school as well and that unless she had some other good reasons to do anything different, we would stick with the shared parenting plan we had already agreed to.
Then, the other day, she gives me a revised September calendar. This one had the first two weeks with her having the kids M-F, then shifting to the agreed-to plan. I said, "No, I want to be there for them during their first week at school." She argued that she thought it was best for them to be close to her and to stay at her place during the first week. I disagreed and said she didn't understand my feelings about what I thought was best for them - and that was for them to share their new experience with both their mother and father. She said, "What are you going to do about it?" I replied that we would follow the already agreed-to plan. She said that no, we would follow her new plan. We went back and forth a few times and finally I said, "Look, if I need to get our attorneys involved to resolve this, then that's what I'll do." She replied, "Bring it on."
Later that afternoon my attorney sent her attorney a motion to the court for us to follow the agreed-to plan, which immediately got her attorney's attention - and he said there was no need for a court motion - he would talk to her and have her follow the plan. She, of course, was beside herself.
However, last night, she was much more reasonable. We had an hour long talk about what we thought would be best for the kids and we came up with a compromise. If she had just been reasonable from the start and told me why she wanted a different schedule instead of demanding it be changed, we would have more easily resolved the issue. I'm not sure whether it was her attorney's influence or what, but we were at last able to come to a resolution.
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Packing
So, the reality of the past 12 months is finally here - she is packing! (Really, I was doubting if it would ever end . . . )
Friday, August 17, 2007
Expectations
So, I thought everything was all set. One more week to go, then things would be finalized. Well, now that's not going to happen. Its amazing how, through this process, there have been so many times when I expected one thing to happen only to find things were changed for one reason or another.
This time it was her @%*-ing attorney. Seems like some emergency case popped up out of nowhere (as he said, "all hell broke loose in my practice") and so, right when we were all set to settle this thing, our court date is now going to be continued for another three weeks or so. He's not willing to let his associate finish up the case as he is currently working on his first draft of his amendment to the Agreement and he won't leave negotiations to his junior attorney. And then he is going on vacation. So, now we have to wait until sometime in September. ARRRRGHHH.
This time it was her @%*-ing attorney. Seems like some emergency case popped up out of nowhere (as he said, "all hell broke loose in my practice") and so, right when we were all set to settle this thing, our court date is now going to be continued for another three weeks or so. He's not willing to let his associate finish up the case as he is currently working on his first draft of his amendment to the Agreement and he won't leave negotiations to his junior attorney. And then he is going on vacation. So, now we have to wait until sometime in September. ARRRRGHHH.
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Stuff
So, it comes down to a list of stuff. After resolving custody, parenting plans, financials and the house, the remaining thing to work out is who gets what. Some of it is pretty easy - we both had a lot of stuff when we got married, so what was hers stays hers and what was mine stays mine. Except, of course, all of the stuff I used to have that she talked me into getting rid of . . .
However, the marital stuff is a little harder. It would be easy to simply say, "Go ahead and take what you want," but then I'd have to go and spend a ton of money replacing things I bought in the first place. There's also a lot of stuff that I really like, some with emotional attachments. If she had her way she would clean out the boys' rooms and take it all with her, and that's not fair to the boys.
So, back to the list of stuff. I actually started the list - went through each room and wrote down the major items in each room (furniture, rugs, etc.), then put it into a spreadsheet (yes - anal of me, but I thought it would be the clearest way to document the stuff). I set up four columns - what I had before the marriage, what I would keep that was marital, what was hers before the marriage, and what she would get that was marital. It was a short list just showing the big items figuring we could work out the smaller stuff. I e-mailed her the spreadsheet (as that is our best form of communication), and she sends it back the next day, only now its 3 pages long and itemizes pictures, toys and other knicknacks she wants to take. She also moved a number of things from my column to hers.
Funny thing then happened. When she e-mailed the list back to me, she copied her attorney. He then replied to Karen, saying "My quick review of the property list attached finds you with the vast majority of property acquired during the marriage; and it looks like you have taken most of the property in the boys' rooms. I can't tell how many items you have added vs. how many you have changed but it appears that the boys will have little left in their rooms." He went on to say, "It is going to be much better if Kriss has approved this list so I hope this is the result of you two working together." (Which, of course, it wasn't.) I only know what her attorney said because he obviously hit "Reply All" on his e-mail so I was directly copied on his response. Not sure whether he meant to do that or not, but it is a little odd for me to get an e-mail directly from her attorney.
She replied saying it was "her highest priority to reach an agreement as soon as possible." So, later that night, she and I sat down and went through the list. How utterly painful this was! One of the things she had added to the list was all of the window coverings - drapes and curtains - claiming she and her mother picked them out or bought the fabric from which custom curtains were made. I asked if she could at least let me keep them until the house is sold - she said "No way." We talked about wedding presents, furniture, the computer, the telephones. God it was awful. In the end, we both walked away giving in on a number of items but at least there is some sort of agreement in place.
Then, the next day, I got an e-mail from her asking if I wanted to buy some of her furniture. She said she's moving into a smaller place and thinks I may want some of her stuff to keep the house furnished and save me the trouble of buying new furniture - she then included a list of couches, chairs, etc. (all things she had owned from before we were married, but are now old and worn). Now, if I'm going to spend money on furniture, why would I want her old stuff? And why, after going through a painful discussion of who gets what, would she even think I might be interested in her old furniture? Well, that's not going to happen. I'd rather buy new furniture that is mine than have her old things around.
Oh yeah, and another thing, I'm also going to have to buy new window coverings, just to make the rooms look good when I have to sell the house. :-(
However, the marital stuff is a little harder. It would be easy to simply say, "Go ahead and take what you want," but then I'd have to go and spend a ton of money replacing things I bought in the first place. There's also a lot of stuff that I really like, some with emotional attachments. If she had her way she would clean out the boys' rooms and take it all with her, and that's not fair to the boys.
So, back to the list of stuff. I actually started the list - went through each room and wrote down the major items in each room (furniture, rugs, etc.), then put it into a spreadsheet (yes - anal of me, but I thought it would be the clearest way to document the stuff). I set up four columns - what I had before the marriage, what I would keep that was marital, what was hers before the marriage, and what she would get that was marital. It was a short list just showing the big items figuring we could work out the smaller stuff. I e-mailed her the spreadsheet (as that is our best form of communication), and she sends it back the next day, only now its 3 pages long and itemizes pictures, toys and other knicknacks she wants to take. She also moved a number of things from my column to hers.
Funny thing then happened. When she e-mailed the list back to me, she copied her attorney. He then replied to Karen, saying "My quick review of the property list attached finds you with the vast majority of property acquired during the marriage; and it looks like you have taken most of the property in the boys' rooms. I can't tell how many items you have added vs. how many you have changed but it appears that the boys will have little left in their rooms." He went on to say, "It is going to be much better if Kriss has approved this list so I hope this is the result of you two working together." (Which, of course, it wasn't.) I only know what her attorney said because he obviously hit "Reply All" on his e-mail so I was directly copied on his response. Not sure whether he meant to do that or not, but it is a little odd for me to get an e-mail directly from her attorney.
She replied saying it was "her highest priority to reach an agreement as soon as possible." So, later that night, she and I sat down and went through the list. How utterly painful this was! One of the things she had added to the list was all of the window coverings - drapes and curtains - claiming she and her mother picked them out or bought the fabric from which custom curtains were made. I asked if she could at least let me keep them until the house is sold - she said "No way." We talked about wedding presents, furniture, the computer, the telephones. God it was awful. In the end, we both walked away giving in on a number of items but at least there is some sort of agreement in place.
Then, the next day, I got an e-mail from her asking if I wanted to buy some of her furniture. She said she's moving into a smaller place and thinks I may want some of her stuff to keep the house furnished and save me the trouble of buying new furniture - she then included a list of couches, chairs, etc. (all things she had owned from before we were married, but are now old and worn). Now, if I'm going to spend money on furniture, why would I want her old stuff? And why, after going through a painful discussion of who gets what, would she even think I might be interested in her old furniture? Well, that's not going to happen. I'd rather buy new furniture that is mine than have her old things around.
Oh yeah, and another thing, I'm also going to have to buy new window coverings, just to make the rooms look good when I have to sell the house. :-(
Sunday, August 12, 2007
Remote Control
So now Leo knows the wonders of remote control vehicles! We were at Tighe's 3rd birthday (son of Jenn, a co-worker of mine) on Saturday and Tighe got a number of new remote control construction trucks. Leo watched him play with them for a while, then asked me if he could try. I told him to ask Tighe, who immediately said, "No, they're mine!" Tighe's daddy Al stepped in and got Tighe to agree to let Leo try one of the trucks - a front-end loader. Leo spent the next half hour running the truck back and forth and lifting the front scoop up and down. He was so absorbed he had tuned everything else out. Luckily he had already had his cake and we were finished with swimming. I got Leo to give it up when Tighe finally asked for the front-end loader back. Al joked that I now needed to stop at Toys R Us to get one for Leo.
So where did I find myself on Saturday night? Why, Toys R Us of course! Unfortunately, they were out of the front-end loaders, and the excavators they had looked really cheap so I ended up not buying one. But next weekend I'm going to head out to a different Toys R Us in search of the front-end loader.
So where did I find myself on Saturday night? Why, Toys R Us of course! Unfortunately, they were out of the front-end loaders, and the excavators they had looked really cheap so I ended up not buying one. But next weekend I'm going to head out to a different Toys R Us in search of the front-end loader.
Friday, August 10, 2007
Train
So, it was an easy commute to work this morning - gotta love the summertime. There were plenty of seats on the train so I was able to zone out with my iPod for the quick trip into Boston. Couldn't help thinking though that I only have 2 more weeks of train rides - then I'll have to drive. :-(
Its not that I mind driving, that will be fine - especially the days when I'll be taking Leo and Daniel to daycare and I can drive in the HOV lane! No, it will be the days when I have to drive by myself that I will dread. The traffic on the Southeast Expressway gets so bad sometimes where you end up just creeping along for almost half an hour just to get from the Braintree split to just past JFK. At least I'll have a parking space in the garage next to the building where I work - one of the perks of being an Associate. And I will no longer be tied to the train schedule. But I will miss the train. Some evenings, after a tough day at work, there's nothing better than simply sitting on the train instead of fighting traffic in the car. And this is all happening just when the new Greenbush commuter rail line is about to start!
Its not that I mind driving, that will be fine - especially the days when I'll be taking Leo and Daniel to daycare and I can drive in the HOV lane! No, it will be the days when I have to drive by myself that I will dread. The traffic on the Southeast Expressway gets so bad sometimes where you end up just creeping along for almost half an hour just to get from the Braintree split to just past JFK. At least I'll have a parking space in the garage next to the building where I work - one of the perks of being an Associate. And I will no longer be tied to the train schedule. But I will miss the train. Some evenings, after a tough day at work, there's nothing better than simply sitting on the train instead of fighting traffic in the car. And this is all happening just when the new Greenbush commuter rail line is about to start!
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