Stuff

So, it comes down to a list of stuff. After resolving custody, parenting plans, financials and the house, the remaining thing to work out is who gets what. Some of it is pretty easy - we both had a lot of stuff when we got married, so what was hers stays hers and what was mine stays mine. Except, of course, all of the stuff I used to have that she talked me into getting rid of . . .

However, the marital stuff is a little harder. It would be easy to simply say, "Go ahead and take what you want," but then I'd have to go and spend a ton of money replacing things I bought in the first place. There's also a lot of stuff that I really like, some with emotional attachments. If she had her way she would clean out the boys' rooms and take it all with her, and that's not fair to the boys.

So, back to the list of stuff. I actually started the list - went through each room and wrote down the major items in each room (furniture, rugs, etc.), then put it into a spreadsheet (yes - anal of me, but I thought it would be the clearest way to document the stuff). I set up four columns - what I had before the marriage, what I would keep that was marital, what was hers before the marriage, and what she would get that was marital. It was a short list just showing the big items figuring we could work out the smaller stuff. I e-mailed her the spreadsheet (as that is our best form of communication), and she sends it back the next day, only now its 3 pages long and itemizes pictures, toys and other knicknacks she wants to take. She also moved a number of things from my column to hers.

Funny thing then happened. When she e-mailed the list back to me, she copied her attorney. He then replied to Karen, saying "My quick review of the property list attached finds you with the vast majority of property acquired during the marriage; and it looks like you have taken most of the property in the boys' rooms. I can't tell how many items you have added vs. how many you have changed but it appears that the boys will have little left in their rooms." He went on to say, "It is going to be much better if Kriss has approved this list so I hope this is the result of you two working together." (Which, of course, it wasn't.) I only know what her attorney said because he obviously hit "Reply All" on his e-mail so I was directly copied on his response. Not sure whether he meant to do that or not, but it is a little odd for me to get an e-mail directly from her attorney.

She replied saying it was "her highest priority to reach an agreement as soon as possible." So, later that night, she and I sat down and went through the list. How utterly painful this was! One of the things she had added to the list was all of the window coverings - drapes and curtains - claiming she and her mother picked them out or bought the fabric from which custom curtains were made. I asked if she could at least let me keep them until the house is sold - she said "No way." We talked about wedding presents, furniture, the computer, the telephones. God it was awful. In the end, we both walked away giving in on a number of items but at least there is some sort of agreement in place.

Then, the next day, I got an e-mail from her asking if I wanted to buy some of her furniture. She said she's moving into a smaller place and thinks I may want some of her stuff to keep the house furnished and save me the trouble of buying new furniture - she then included a list of couches, chairs, etc. (all things she had owned from before we were married, but are now old and worn). Now, if I'm going to spend money on furniture, why would I want her old stuff? And why, after going through a painful discussion of who gets what, would she even think I might be interested in her old furniture? Well, that's not going to happen. I'd rather buy new furniture that is mine than have her old things around.

Oh yeah, and another thing, I'm also going to have to buy new window coverings, just to make the rooms look good when I have to sell the house. :-(