Settlement

So how does one go about reaching a settlement? Especially when you know you are right? (But, doesn't everybody at least think they are right?) I guess that's one of my weaknesses - and something I'm working on. But when its the future of your children that are at stake, compromises must be made. I thought I had offered a good compromise a few months ago but she instead decided to go through with depositions. (No good ever comes out of this type of deposition, only more hurt and bitterness . . .) Then, when we had our pre-trial conference with the judge, I thought the judge's guidance was very clear - she thought otherwise. I could see that this thing could have gone on for months and months.

Today was supposed to be another deposition day - this time she and her attorney were going to depose the Guardian Ad Litem. The GAL Report was very favorable to my position, but left the door open for a compromise. I was faced with a decision early on today - should they just start with the deposition or could there first be a conference where we could talk about the contested issues. I have always supported every effort to reach an agreement so I chose to talk first. We decided to include the Guardian Ad Litem in our discussions for his guidance on issues dealing with the children.

The meeting went on for a while. Twice during the conference her attorney grandstanded and left the room with her. During the second break, when it was obvious that there was not going to be any movement on her part, I realized the future of our children was in my hands. I could have let the deposition begin and continued to fight for what I believed was right. But nobody would win in this scenario. If the judge ruled in my favor, she would forever be bitter, and we would never be able to effectively communicate about anything. If the judge ruled in her favor, she would blame me for dragging the case out spending thousands of needless dollars for an outcome she thought was right anyway. My attorney thought the case would have been 50-50 if it went to trial before the judge.

So, with the children's lives in my hands, I made a decision which I hope makes all of our lives reasonable. My attorney supported the decision and we then continued the conference with her and her attorney to go through all of the other contested issues. A few were not easily resolved but we at least created a path to settlement.

I don't think she will ever realize how important today's decision was.

I will be sad to lose a neighbor whose friendship I've come to value in a short period of time (but I won't be too far away) and I'll be glad to gain a new neighbor whose friendship, I hope, won't get spoiled by my bugging him all of the time.